20 of the Funniest Tweets About Life With Kids
If there is one thing you need in parenthood, it’s a sense of humor. And to not feel alone in your struggles.
So here’s a quick little round-up of 20 relatable tweets from some of the funniest parents on the internet.
Enjoy!
Janene
I had a tea party with my 6yo, and told her the pastries were delicious. She said her husband made them. She talked about her 3 kids and how hard it is to be a doctor. I asked how she’s able to host tea parties with all that going on. She said she has a supportive husband.
My 5 year old son just asked “what if we put a slice of turkey in the DVD player and it played a movie about the turkey’s whole life” and none of the parenting books I’ve read have prepared me for this question.
8yo: daddy what’s your best talent?me: hmm I don’t know, maybe being a dad?8yo: no that’s not it
My son was mad at me today so he told me as much punishment I had to go to my room and sleep for 24 hours. If I got hungry, he’d bring me whatever food I wanted, but I was not allowed to leave my bed for one whole day.If you need me, I’ll be on vaca-, I mean, in my room.
Points for creativity to my 7yo who got caught sneaking cookies and tried to convince me she was sleepwalking, at 3pm.
toddler *shows me his new toy*me: Who gave you that?toddler: My friendme: When?toddler: When he wasn’t looking
My 5-year-old sat me down to tell me my fortune. She said, “one day, maybe you’ll be the best mom in the universe.” Not today, tho.
My 4yo pretended she was a hired cleaner yesterday as. As she helped me clean she asked if I had any kids. After telling her about my 2 I asked if she had any of her own. Turns out she has 5 kids and has been married to a man named Carlin for 30 years. You think you know someone.
parents of small children wondering when the early morning wake-ups end, my daughter in college sent an emergency text at 6am because she needs a fly swatter for her dorm, so the answer is never
My 3.5-year old, eating his porridge, glances out the window at my car and comments absently, “I see you still have your winter tires on.”I swear, I’m raising my own father.
My teenager has really expensive taste for someone who can’t afford to buy their own toothpaste.
Asking your child to go get their sibling for dinner is just asking them to stand next to you and scream their sibling’s name.
My dad told my daughter she was the best duster ever then leaned in to me and whispered “if you tell kids they’re amazing at the chore they don’t bitch about doing it” and suddenly I’m questioning if I really was the most amazing weed-puller he ever saw
“Is chicken the animal spelled the same as chicken the food?”– my child, about to be shook
(my 5-year-old daughter does a cartwheel)Me: That was great! Do you want to try gymnastics classes? Or dance? You get to wear fun costumes and do shows.Her: No. I want to be a normal person and do nothing.
“That’s it! No doing the dishes after you tuck us in! You do NOT wash the dishes tonight!” My angry 3 year old who, apparently, believes that washing dishes is a beloved hobby that I look forward to each and every night
I sent my daughter a text and she responded with “I will look into this. Thank you.” So I guess we’re business associates now.
Doctor: Your blood pressure is a little high.Me: I have 4 kids. A 24-year-old living at home, two in college, and I’m about to teach our youngest how to drive.Doctor:Me:Doctor: Your blood pressure is a little low.
Just overheard my eight-year-old son tell the little boy who lives across the street, “You have to go now. I’ve hit my limit for being around other people today.”
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